Congratulations.
It's not easy! But it can be done. It depends on what your priorities are. Here's my tips from the time our new baby was born.
#1 Set aside time to work
This is the important part, you can't "work when you're inspired". Set aside the 2-3 hours you need per day. At the time I had a full-time job and the baby was born. My partner at the time was a stay-at-home-mom, which helped a lot. But I had duties to be with the baby in the evenings -- feedings, etc. I watched a movie or series with my partner after the baby was sleeping, THEN I went to work when my partner was sleeping.
#2 Constraints are important
Because of the minimal amount of time (few hours per day) you have to spend it wisely. In this case, I had a strong to-do list with few distractions. I would work on that list and try to finish a few items (completely) every night.
#3 No distractions
No social media was consumed. No YouTube, no instagram, no twitter, tv off. Back in those days these services were just starting anyway, so things were kind of "new".
#4 Motivations
Biggest motivator was my family. Living in New York City was not easy in a nice apartment and a family to support. I knew my side project HAD to work and it DID because I had NO choice. Even with an almost 6 figure job, it would not have been able to do everything, even in 2004.
At some point, you have to balance out things. You CAN't spend all your time with your family.
And you can't spend all your time with your job.
You have to have some time for each one. And where people fail badly, is when they spend quantity instead of quality time with kids or work.
Believe me, its best to spend less, but QUALITY time with your kids, rather then a whole lot of random time.
Thanks for sharing! I'm somehow in the same situations struggling to find the right time slot (and motivation, because after work + parenting at the end of time I kind of feel tired) to work on my projects. I guess it's also important to keep the right balance between IT related work and non-IT stuff. Being in front of the laptop all day long is also not what I'm aiming for. Working in the garden, doing woodwork (in general using your hands rather than your brain) also helped to keep my inner balance and stay focused.
Yes. I personally believe our job as parents is not to make our kids "happy" but to prepare them for a good life in their future (whether that's good, bad, zombie wars, alien takeover, etc).
So most of the time should be spent with teachable moments.
I don't mean being stern with your kids. Don't get it twisted.
I means even if you and your kid are enjoying a movie, pick the movies that teach some "real" lessons, not the Disney bulls*it.
It means if you are playing soccer out in the streets you're having a grand old time, but you're teaching your kid how to kick the ball with the side of their feet.
It means if you're playing music with your kid, you're telling them about the musician's life.
It means if your kid is coming to work with you, you're giving her something to do so she learns how your business works.
It means having deep conversations with your kid when you talk to him.
It means even as you congratulated your kid on catching their first fish, you already taught them how to tie the line to the hook and attach the worm.
Every moment you spend with your kid needs to be something that helps them -- WHILE HAVING FUN.
For that, you don't need to think you're a bad father, fathers are supposed to teach kids how to be moral, how to be honest, how to take responsibility. How to be valuable to the world.
Mothers are supposed to teach kids empathy.
Don't let society or TV tell you how much time you need to spend with your kids. That's up to you and your family, not some arbitrary thing that others tell you.
But above all, make sure the time you spend with them is very useful.
Parenting is about letting your children find and explore themselves. Not by teaching and telling them how life should be lived. It's a strong 2 way interaction. They must feel guided and respected in their journey of living a happy live. The parent is the soundboard for a child.
> fathers are supposed to teach kids how to be moral, how to be honest, how to take responsibility. How to be valuable to the world.
> Mothers are supposed to teach kids empathy.
The funniest part being that it's also parent stating :
> Don't let society or TV tell you how much time you need to spend with your kids. That's up to you and your family, not some arbitrary thing that others tell you.
#1 Set aside time to work This is the important part, you can't "work when you're inspired". Set aside the 2-3 hours you need per day. At the time I had a full-time job and the baby was born. My partner at the time was a stay-at-home-mom, which helped a lot. But I had duties to be with the baby in the evenings -- feedings, etc. I watched a movie or series with my partner after the baby was sleeping, THEN I went to work when my partner was sleeping.
#2 Constraints are important Because of the minimal amount of time (few hours per day) you have to spend it wisely. In this case, I had a strong to-do list with few distractions. I would work on that list and try to finish a few items (completely) every night.
#3 No distractions No social media was consumed. No YouTube, no instagram, no twitter, tv off. Back in those days these services were just starting anyway, so things were kind of "new".
#4 Motivations Biggest motivator was my family. Living in New York City was not easy in a nice apartment and a family to support. I knew my side project HAD to work and it DID because I had NO choice. Even with an almost 6 figure job, it would not have been able to do everything, even in 2004.
At some point, you have to balance out things. You CAN't spend all your time with your family.
And you can't spend all your time with your job.
You have to have some time for each one. And where people fail badly, is when they spend quantity instead of quality time with kids or work.
Believe me, its best to spend less, but QUALITY time with your kids, rather then a whole lot of random time.
Your mileage will not vary.